Living in denial, I've been doing it. Denying the obvious and thinking everything is ok. Living a life so focused on what's around me that I've lost sight of my whole life's purpose. Every day I am consumed with the world. When I am not at work, I am at school. Where does church fit in? The honest answer? It doesn't. My dad is a pastor and I haven't even been to church in 6 months. Unless you really want to count that one time I went to the church's Christmas play? What have I become? Only attending church once, working forty hours a week, and worst of all...giving God the backseat. I've become lost and worldly.
How could I have not seen all of this happening? God gave me the answer to that question last night. He gave me multiple dreams. These dreams were vivid, crystal clear. He showed me walking through my daily life without a care for anything other than my own schedule and my own agenda. He showed me walking past the lonely and broken that sit outside the stores wishing they could have what everyone else walking in and out has. He showed me looking the other way when someone cried for help when their funds had run dry. He showed me a pair of glasses and said take a look through these eyes. But what I saw was nothing of importance, or significance. I just saw people going about their daily lives. Yes, I saw corruption, but why didn't I see pain? I saw an emotionless people reliving the same day over and over again. Then he said try these. Another pair? What's going on? So, I took a look. I saw pain, suffering, corruption, chaos, destruction, deception, and so much more. But amongst all of that, I also saw beauty, love, peace, grace, forgiveness, and hope. He said now you see what I see.
He said, when I look, I see all the things you don't. I see the pain behind the widows eyes, I see the suffering in the man's heart as he swipes his cards and hopes it won't be declined, I know the hopes and dreams of the people on the streets, a hope for a better tomorrow and a brighter future. He said, why have you lost sight of what matters most? For a while you saw the world as your home. You saw it as permanent. You were living to please yourself and to accumulate wealth on earth. You chose to ignore the pain and suffering of those around you and even your own self. And you chose to ignore the beautiful mess all around you. And by doing this you have abandoned many opportunties to glorify me.
I couldn't help but ask, God is this really what I've become? The answer to come next was quite obvious...of course He said yes. He said you've forgotten what it means to sacrafice. And you've forgotten what it means to suffer. You may still remember what it means to put others before yourself, but you've somehow forgotten how to act upon it. Your vision is blurred and your heart is shielded. You're neglecting to see and feel what I want you to see and feel. He said, I've given you this life and so far you've done well. So what now? Why are you stopping? This is no time for stopping. Listen carefully. When I am ready to come, I won't hesitate, it will be as quickly as the blink of an eye. So be prepared. He said, there are only so many second chances that can be lived out before the blink of an eye.
This dream was like a reality check or a slap in the face. This actually didn't feel like a dream at all. It felt more real than anything I've ever "dreamt" before. Prior to the dream I had been listening to a song that my friend had told me about that day. Call me crazy but I think that was part of God's plan. It was like the prequel to what was about to happen next. The chorus of the song is incredible. It is now my heart's cry. I feel it is one of the most true things I have ever heard in a song. It says, "Look at all the pretty things that steal my heart away, I can feel I'm fading...Cause Lord I love so many things that keep me from Your face, Come and save me..." Is that not the most true thing you have ever heard? The song is called: "All the pretty things" by Tenth Avenue North. Another song God placed on my heart was a song by Jj Heller called "What love really means". As he was showing me everything in my life and showing me passing by the hurting people...all I could hear was this song. The chorus says, "Who will love me for me? Not for what I have done or what I will become. Who will love me for me? ‘Cause nobody has shown me what love, What love really means what love really means."
I know what I need to do now. It's sad that it took almost six months for me to even acknowledge God's voice and be sensitive enough to Him. I've been so consumed with the things around me that I have completely lost sight of what is real and what life is all about. I've been living for the world around me and not for the kingdom that awaits to determine my fate. It's time that I stop acting like I have everything together and like I'm a "Christian" and like I love God. I need to live it like God has everything together for me, I need to live it like I'm living for Christ, and I need to love God with every ounce of my being. If I thought life was hard before...I know I'm in for a shock. But I say bring it on? I'd rather suffer for Christ than keep suffering for the world around me.
It's funny that my last blog was about making progress...and here I am...still failing but hoping and really trying for progress.
It's also funny that this all occurred on the last night of 2010. So, 2011 I am coming in with a bang. I am starting over and I can't wait to see what challenges God presents me with next. No more waiting and watching. It's time to get active and be sensitive!
Well it has been about a month since Team Mexico returned to the U.S. I am pleased to say that God is still moving in my life. Since the trip, God has continually blessed me. I received a promotion at work and have been presented with various ministry opportunities.
While in Mexico I faced many challenges. I faced challenges of overcoming fear, discovering my true self, becoming a leader, and accepting God's calling. I was able to accomplish these things through the help of my teammates and my leaders. I was blessed with an amazing team.
Recently God opened the door for me to lead a bible study at a local church. My first thought was...okay this is awesome! But then fear and anxiety began to creep back into the picture. I had thoughts of doubt, asking God why would you set this up for me? I am the last person you should pick...I don't even like speaking in front of crowds! It was then when God reminded me of something that occurred in Mexico.
He brought back to my remembrance something one of my leaders had shared with me. She shared with me 1 Chronicles 29:1, which says: The King David said to the whole assembly: "My son Solomon, the one whom God has chosen, is young and inexperienced. The task is great, because this palatial structure is not for man but for the Lord God." She explained that God does not call the equipped, but He equips those which He calls. She said although you may feel completely inexperienced and inadequate...God knows what He is doing and He knows what you are capable of acheiving for His glory. At the time, none of this seemed relevant...so I kind of brushed it off. Well the next verse she shared was Chronicles 29:25 which says: The Lord highly exalted Solomon in the sight of all Israel and bestowed on him royal splendor such as no king over Israel ever had before. She said that God blesses beyond belief, those who obey and do works in faith for Him. She also explained that nothing should keep me from wanting to glorfiy God. She said the tasks which He lays out for you are to be done for His benefit only.
A month later...and I finally understood everything she had told me. I love how God places people in your life and allows them to speak over you. I also love the fact that God notices when you get comfortable in your current circumstances. It is then when He comes knocking at the door ready to make you uncomfortable again.
I am thankful for the time I spent in Mexico. I am also thankful for my team members, the ministry we did, and the people we met. I am looking forward to returning to Matamoros next summer for another 5 weeks.
I continually pray and seek God's will and direction daily...not only for me, but for my team members as well.
To conclude all this rambling, I will just say that I hope to see Team Mexico again soon! "Small in numbers, but great in God's power!" I love you all! Vivir la vida...sin duda!
This week has really been a great one! On Monday we got to go to Linda's, a children's home that we have visited before, and work on some construction and hang out with the kids. The kids there speak a little English, so it's fun to get to talk to them and play with them.
Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday morning we got to minister in the colonial we've been living in and we did a VBS for the kids here. We had a good time building relationships with them...they're really full of energy! Tuesday and Wednesday afternoon we went back to the colonial, invasion, that we visisted earlier in the month and finished handing out some roofing tiles and praying with families. We have really grown to love the people there...
This afternoon we spent some time together alone and as a team praying and talking about the things the Lord has done in our lives.
The rain was no obstacle for Team Mexico
Bob Esponga, Team Mexico's mascot....
We're praying for everyone at home and looking forward to seeing everyone soon! Continue to pray for our last week...that our goodbye's will be sweet and debrief will be good! We can't seem to imagine not waking up to each other every morning...we're enjoying our last few days together.
Last week was a really busy week for us. A team of 50 came in and we decided to integrate into their teams for ministry. Every second of the day seemed to be filled with something and we were all doing different things at different times. It was really exciting to see the way the Lord worked in our lives by forming new friendships and working alongside other brothers and sisters in Christ.
We're really looking forward to working together as a team and we'll keep you updated on our ministry this week!
It was a hot Thursday night in Matamoros, Mexico. The sun was setting and the mosquitoes were swarming. The team was forming constellations with bites on their legs and arms. A family of spiders parade around the room mocking them. Shniece leaps out of her bed and hammers them with a pink flip-flop. The smell of melting skin from Jocelyn’s sunburn reeks throughout the room. Alex angrily wakes up to the sound of Sally chomping an apple. Alex ferociously reaches for her stash of sour patch kids, takes a dose, reinserts her pink earplugs and growls back to sleep. Again, Shniece hops out of the bed, throws her blanket on the ground because she heard the sound of fluttering cockroach wings. Sally takes the opportunity of being awake to grab Shniece and head to the freezer for more food. Before you know it, the alarm clock is beeping and Ana is dancing around singing, “I wanna sit at your feet…” trying to wake the sleeping beauties from their slumber. The girls march into breakfast fifteen minutes late to a waiting Miles with a sweet new mullet, a frowning chef (Gilbert) and cold breakfast. As Aaron swings back and forth from his trapeze the girls say the Lord’s Prayer and chow down.
As you can see, everything’s going great here. We had a lot of fun writing this together and really great day. This morning we went to the colonia that we’ve been at all week and presented a few families with roofing tiles. It blessed us to be able to give to them and pray for them.
Afterwards, we got to go to visit with our friend from last week, Martha. We brought flowers for her and hung out with her family for a little bit. We colored, painted nails, played with bubbles, caught ants, chased chickens and shared lunch. It was a really blessed time. The picture below is all of us with her and her grandkids.
Please continue praying for our ministry here and continued strength, health and growth.
We had a really restful weekend and got to enjoy the ocean a whole lot. We started ministry on Monday morning with a trip to the Colonia, Invasion. We got to meet a lot of the families in the colonia and pray for some of their needs. There was a family in the colonia who had lost their children's birth certificates in the floods. The picture above is of us presenting replacement birth certificates for their kids. The dad was so proud!
Tuesday, we got to return to the same colonia bringing with us several gallons of clean drinking water. We prayed over the water and distributed it. Miles talked to the families about the living water that only God can provide. We’ll be returning today with some more water to bless the community with.
After our visits to the colonia we went to Pastor Moses’s church (a pastor who we love so much!) and held a VBS for the kids. We’ve really enjoyed making relationships with the kids there and getting to love on them a little bit.
We’re continuing to grow closer as a team. We’ve been given opportunities to step up and out of our comfort zones and it’s exciting to the see the Lord use that. We’ve started to go through the book of Ephesians in the evenings. The Lord has really shown us that it’s because of His grace that we’re here…
We’re excited about the rest of the week and what the Lord has in store! We’re praying for our families and friends back home and we miss you!
- Alexandra, Sally, Jocelyn, Shneice, Miles, and Ana
Being in Matamoros the past few days has really been incredible. The Lord has placed a lot of different ministry opportunities in front of us and we are excited about getting involved in them.
Day 1 (Tuesday) we got to drive around and see a little bit of the city. We visited a few poor neighborhoods called colonias and a few churches. It was really shocking to our team to see the poverty and devastation within these communities. The rain has hit some of the homes really hard causing roofs to blow off and flooding to occur.
Day 2 (Wednesday) The Lord led us to visit a woman in her home, Martha. There was a lot of grief and depression within the home because her husband had passed away 3 months ago. It was really God's perfect timing that we came on that day because she had said it was one of her worst days and she felt so alone; She had been praying for something to remind her she wasn't. We had the opportunity to pray for her and worship in her home. By the end of our visit we were laughing together and felt like family.
Later that night we helped out at a colonia feeding at a local church.
Day 3 (Thursday) We really had an amazing morning filled with worship. After, we visited a rehabilitation center for alcohol and drug addicts. During our visit, we got to listen to their testimonies and how the Lord has changed their lives. We also got the chance to share a little bit of our lives, a few verses and just an opportunity to encourage them. We really seemed to build meaningful relationships with them and are looking forward to going back to serve them.
We are continuing to grow closer as a team and closer to the Lord by being here. We are seeking after what the Lord has for us here and following where He leads us. Pray for further guidance, growth in our relationship with each other and the Lord, and continued good health.
Well, training camp is a lot different than we all expected: the food is much better than anticipated, the cold hose showers are refreshing and the tilt a potty's are a challenge...but we are really enjoying ourselves.
The Lord has really challenged us to step outside of our comfort zones and make ourselves vulnerable and open to change. A lot of brokenness and healing has happened and is happening still. For only knowing each other for such a short time, we're all really surprised at how God has already brought all our different backgrounds together to form a unique team. Even as we sit here writing this blog together, we're really excited about the friendships we are building...we're so excited about the plans the Lord has for us in Mexico and are getting really excited about actually getting there.
As we always say...positivity is the best ativity!
Everyone is here… healthy, safe, and excited! We ate a delicious dinner and now are gathered for worship. The energy in this room is incredible. It’s a wonderful thing to see a room full of teenagers sold out for Christ!
